Thursday, October 6, 2016

Better with Age?

You might have noticed things have been quiet on the blog for the last week or so. That's because this roadblock of a post is sitting in my pending folder taunting me.  Last month I turned 50. Yeah, that's right.  Woohoo.  The big-five-oh.  Blah, blah, blah.  I feel I should write about it, commemorate it in some way.  It's kind of a big deal, I guess. But I really have no idea what to say about it. 

Leading up to this milestone birthday, I was excited.  I wasn't afraid of fifty at all.  The only milestone birthday that I ever struggled with was 25 because basically AdultIt was official.  But I had no problem coming up on this celebration.  Bring it on!  Better with age! Fifty & Fabulous!

I made jokes about allowing myself to go full-on diva once I turned fifty.  I could see the fear in the eyes of my loved ones.  "So, even more diva then?  Really?"    I would now be joining the ranks of fabulous women of a certain age.  Strong, confident women that took life by the balls.  Fearless, funny women that went through life boldly with a twinkle in their eye and a smirk on their lips.  

Do you know who else turned 50 this year?  Helena Bonham Carter, Salma Hayek, Halle Berry, Juliana Margulies and Janet (Ms.) Jackson (if you're nasty).  Fabulous, right?  But, then I woke up on September 9th and to be honest, I didn't feel so fabulous and for the last month I've been grappling with this half-century thing.  

How do I really feel about turning fifty?  Meh.  It's alright I guess.  The thing is, I don't really feel fifty.  Does fifty have a feeling?  My inner voice pretty much stopped aging in my mid-twenties.  And some cosmic joke means that I look in the mirror always expecting to see that 25 year old.   You can imagine the shock when I see a fifty year old looking back at me.  It's some messed up Freaky Friday shit.  

I also find myself having serious thoughts about life and time and age and youth.  You're familiar with the thoughts that come with insomnia.  Well Instead of "if I fall asleep now, I'll have four hours to sleep,"  I'm having thoughts of "well if I live until I'm 80 then I'll have 30 years to live."   So, yeah.  Turning fifty has not been the easiest.  

Do you know how hard it is to selfie at fifty?  Thank god for SnapChat filters.  If only they could do something about that neck area.

And yes, Captain Cliche, it sure beats the alternative. 

I fully intend to embrace it, because what choice do I have?   "Aging is not lost youth but a new stage of opportunity and strength." says Betty Frieden. So, yep.  I will join the ranks of fabulous and fifty.  I will grab life by the cojones and move forward with a twinkle and a smirk.  Just don't look too deeply into my eyes.  You might see that terrorized twenty-five year old screaming "WTF?" as the roller coaster of life takes her barreling over the hill. 

I also have to say thank you so much for the felicitations and birthday wishes.  They've certainly helped to soften the blow made this celebration special for me. 


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