Life Lately

I'm back.  No, really.  This time I really am back.  I'm finally done with that crazy, daily 4 hour commute to London!  If you follow me on social media, I apologize for all of the ranting.  I can't even tell you how happy I am to be done with that.  My coworkers, I will miss.  That commute, not so much.  Here's a quick little update on what we've been up to lately.

My 500th Post and an update!

Guess what this is!  My 500th post.  Can you believe it?  I certainly can't.  Four and a half years of blogging.  If I'm honest, I feel like it should be more.  But every post represents a special moment or story, a place I never dreamed a might see.  A milestone in life that is deeply cherished.  My stories and memories.  And my connection to you.  To those of you that read my blog, follow along to encourage and support.  That's still the best part.  So thank you for helping me get to this milestone!  I also have to tell you about a new journey that we're starting soon.  I'm hoping that you'll come along because I will certainly continue blogging along the way.

A more personal journey...

A week ago I was in surgery.  It seems like so long ago already.  I don't always post about such personal things, but I feel like i need to write about this.  Just once.  For a woman, a hysterectomy is one of those life events that splits time into "before" and "after."   Like puberty, a wedding or giving birth.  A feminine milestone that almost 20% of women will experience.  If you're a man and you haven't already clicked away, you may not want to read further.  Or maybe you will.  It's estimated that 1 in 10 women suffer from endometriosis, 2 in 10 from fibroids and 10 in 10 deal with various "female" and hormonal issues. I think it would be much better for everyone if we all talked about it a bit more openly. 

On Becoming British

It's official.  I'm a British citizen.  The process has been long (4 years) and expensive (£4K), with reams of paperwork.  But I've been lucky.  It can take a lot longer and be much more complicated.  Going through the process as the spouse of a British citizen definitely makes things easier.  It started with a Visa, then Indefinite Leave to Remain and now Citizenship.  My ceremony was just a few weeks ago. 

Frankie's Sports Bar & Diner

Facebook was very interesting last weekend.  The American contingency was all about the Super Bowl.  I didn't really pay attention.  Not because I wasn't interested, but because it made me kind of homesick.  As much as I love London I still often crave a little taste of home.  Some Americana to relax into.  We had the chance to do just that recently at Frankie's Sports Bar & Diner on Fulham Road. 

I love a cozy British pub, but this place really felt familiar with mirrors, 12 big screen TVs and Coors Light on tap.  When I saw pulled pork on the menu, I knew it was going to be a great night. 

Football, football and more football.  They had a Super Bowl party last weekend but unfortunately it was sold out. 

The brightly lit Jukebox held a place of honor right by the door. 

We ordered a beer and a wine and were mildly perplexed when two of each were set before us, until the bartender pointed to the happy hour sign.  Sweet.

Then is was time to get our grub on.  It happened to be Thanksgiving, so Matt ordered the Thanksgiving dinner burger.  Everything that you can squeeze into Turkey day squeezed into a burger.  He cleaned his plate and was craving a nap afterwards. 

I absolutely love pulled pork but I'm often reluctant to order it because it's never quite like it should be.  This was proper pulled pork on a soft warm bun and was perfect.  I also cleaned my plate. 

You can't eat at a diner without onion rings, now can you?

It felt good to get a little taste of home in London.  It's not a Sports Bar without a lot of mirrors. That's so you can see a TV screen no matter where you are sitting. 

Frankie's has all of the key sports channels and will show anything that is shown live. Just make a request and the staff will be happy to help.  

If you're tired of the pub and craving a bit of America just remember that Tuesday night is all you can eat BBQ.  Just sayin'.  

Where's your favorite American joint in London?

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 *We received a complimentary meal from Frankie's Sports Bar & Diner for the purposes of review.
All photos, writing and opinions are my own.
As always, I promise to be open, honest and transparent with my readers.
If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask.


You can find this review and many others in my
London Attraction Guide.

My UK Settlement

Guess what I'm doing today?  Going to the office for my first day at my new full-time job!

I'm very excited and nervous.  It's been almost a year since I've worked.

It was so wonderful to have a year off to work on this little blog of mine.

As wonderful as it's been, it certainly doesn't pay the bills.

Not to mention that I'm one of those unusual people that absolutely loves accounting.

I worked so hard on getting my degree and qualifications.  It's time to put it to good use again.

 So, it's off to work I go!  Wish me luck.

One of the other big things that was in the pipeline was acquiring my

Indefinite Leave to Remain from UK Immigration.

Since starting this whole expat adventure I've read so many incredible Visa stories.

So many people have had to go through separations and long distance relationships.

We've been so lucky that other than the major expense we haven't faced any major challenges.

Here's the logistics of our international love story.

Matt and I met in the US and were married there in January 2011.

We first went through the process of getting Matt a Green Card as we were settling in the US.

Then after a year, we decided to move to the UK and applied for my Spousal Visa.

You can read all of the details in this guest post I did for Betsy Transatlantically.

After 27 months, my Spousal Visa expires next month so it was time to take the next step.

For me that is Settlement with an "Indefinite Leave to Remain."

(Six months after we moved they changed the regulations and for people applying after that date,

they require two Spousal Visa periods of 27 months before Settlement.)

The first step was taking my Life in the UK Test which is a 24 question multiple- choice quiz.

The cost was £50 and I took the test at a local testing centre after several weeks of study.

I used the official testing booklet and read it through probably 3 times as well as the Study Guide.

That was an interesting experience.  I was thrilled to pass! If you are getting ready to take the test

and want more details just send me an email.  I'm happy to share my experience.

Then it was a matter of determining the correct form to complete.

In my case, it was the 37 page SET(M) document for

"the spouse or partner of a person present and settled in the UK."

Additional items that we needed included Life in the UK Pass Letter, passport photos, payment confirmation, letters proving our address for two years and more.  We ended up with a large packet which included the application,

original documents as requested and copies of everything.

There are several options in applying for an ILR.  You can send your application in by mail.

Or you can apply in person at a Premium Service Centre.

The major con of sending it off by mail is that it takes 4-6 months for processing

and during that time you don't have your passport.  The cost for this is currently £1,051 ($1,733).

We opted for the quicker option of applying in person which is currenly £1,426 ($2,352).

Incredibly expensive but worth it to not have to give up my passport for any period of time.

Not to mention that I'm starting a new job and I didn't want any ambiguity in my right to work in the UK.

The peace of mind for both of us to have everything decided and settled is also invaluable.

I had heard that it might be difficult to get an appointment,

but when I registered online there were plenty of appointment times available.

We paid the fee at the same time that we made the appointment.

Matt was not required to join me but I was pretty stressed out about the whole process.

I might have shed a tear and he happily accompanied me.  (Thanks, Baby!)

On Wednesday we headed to Croydon with our packet of documents for our 9:30 appointment.

Many applicants had attorneys or advocates with them and there are services

that will assist you through the process.  We opted to go it alone.

As this was just confirmation that we were still married and settled in the UK,

the paperwork wasn't nearly as involved as the initial Spousal Visa application.

It went like clockwork.

Arrived at 9am and waited for entry.

9:15 we went through security and checked in.

They confirmed payment and the correct application form then gave us a number.

We then waited for our number to be called in the nice little cafe.

Within 15 minutes, my number was called for my application to be entered into the system.

We sat at a desk while a worker entered everything, checked everything.

We were given everything back and told to wait again.

15 minutes later was called in to do my biometrics.  Fingerprints and photo.

We waited again while they checked that I was actually who I was claiming to be.

Then we were sent back to the cafe to wait for a caseworker to review my case.

We went back to the cafe and waited 90 minutes watching the number board anxiously.

They have a little number board where you can watch your application progress through the system.

I was so relieved to see my number pop up on the "Pick up Documents" screen.

We picked up our docs along with a letter of approval. Yay! We were done by noon.

My Biometrics Card arrived in the post two days later.

I now have "Indefinite Leave to Remain" which means I can live and work in the UK indefinitely.

I'm still subject to immigration control but considered settled in the UK.

As I said in the guest post, it gets pretty complicated and changes every day.  If you are going through this,

I highly recommend that you do as much research as possible and consult an expert.

It’s important to dot every “i” and cross every “t.”  It takes time, money, patience and great attention to detail.

Plus, it can be pretty stressful.  We've been pretty lucky through it all.

My heart goes out to those who are separated with their partners through the immigration process.

I can't even imagine how difficult that must be.

 

Should I choose, my next step would be to get UK citizenship.

As the spouse of a UK citizen, current regulation allows me to do that after being here for three years.

 But, that's a decision for another day.

 How was your settlement process?

 

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"For each new morning"

I've confessed that I've been struggling with the lead up to the holidays.

After last year, I decided that I would be home for this Christmas this year.

But, unfortunately that isn't going to happen.

And with a very close family member in the hospital,

the tears have been bouncing around the back of my eyes for days.

I'm really homesick.  I miss my family and friends so very much.

It's been almost two years which is too long.  So, I'm planning a trip home after the first of the year.

In the mean time, I'm determined to get a grip and enjoy the holidays.

This has always been my favorite time of year.

With a bit of encouragement from some expat friends on Twitter (Thank you!),

I made a bit of an effort last night by cooking a turkey breast and nuking some sides.

It did make me feel better.

With a good cry, Facetime with loved ones, some hugs from Matt and 10 hours of sleep last night,

I'm ready to embrace the holidays.

Today I'm thinking of my many blessings. And I am so thankful.

"For each new morning with its light,

for rest and shelter of the night,

for health and food, 

for love and friends,

 for everything Thy goodness sends."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

I can't have a post without a photo and although I did make an effort

on a Thanksgivingish Dinner, it certainly wasn't photo worthy.

Instead here's a picture of the fruits of some retail therapy.  They make me smile.

And they made Jessica roll her eyes and say "Mom, really?"

Mission accomplished.

How do you handle it when the holidays are tough instead of terrific?

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Cheers, Madame! Reflections

  Today is the last day of our Cheers, Madame! series.  I'm so sad that it's coming to an end.

Amy from Créatrice Mondial and I have had a blast with this series.

We are both Americans that have adopted another city as our own.

Amy lived in Paris for several years and I'm currently in London.

So, we wanted to spend some time comparing and sharing the two sister cities.

We started the series in week one talking about our first impressions.

London      Paris

During week two, we described the perfect day in our favorite city.

London    Paris

Week three, we switched it up.  I shared special memories in Paris and Amy shared about London. 

London   Paris

And through it all, you've been participating by joining our twitter chats and the link up.

Okay.  So, this is NOT me doing the duck face.

Well, it is me doing the duck face, but I'm not trying to do the duck face.

I'm trying to make the flag all flat and pretty for the camera.

And in the process, making my face not so flat and pretty for the camera.

(Aaaaand making the duck face. 

But, not really.  Let's move on.)

This week, we're wrapping up the Cheers, Madame! series (for now) with reflections on London and Paris

and how living in these cities has changed us.

I can't believe that I've been in London for almost two years now.
Some days it feels like it's just flown by and other days it seems like I've been here forever.

What parts of the UK culture have I absorbed?
How has London gone from feeling foreign to feeling like home?
How has living in London changed me?

During the early stages of this move, I read as many expat blogs as I could find.

And they all experienced the same thing.
Eventually, they got to a point where they were no longer an expat learning
their way around and figuring things out, but they were just living a normal, everyday life.

I often wondered if living this life would ever feel normal.
 (Let's face it.  For me "normal" is a sliding scale.)
 But, they were right.  Somewhere along the way, I just started living a "normal" life.


Oh, things are different.  Very different.

Flip flops and high heels have been replaced with flats and boots.
 Dangly earrings are gone and now I have dozens of scarves.

Sunkissed skin is now a shade of white that is almost translucent.

No more fresh Texas air and wide open spaces.
Now I play Frogger on a daily basis dodging cars and buses.
I might even occasionally use the phrase "smog boogies."
 
I said goodbye to my full-size washer and tumble dryer and 
the bakers rack in my kitchen has been replaced with drying rack.
(Don't even get me started.)

Open floor plans are a thing of the past and every room has a door
that is closed to keep in the warmth.
Apparently, window screens and central air have not yet been invented.

I used to walk down the street...
Actually, who am I kidding?  I never walked anywhere.
But, I used to make eye contact throughout my daily existence.

Now, I avoid eye contact when walking down the street.
I learned quickly that making eye contact implies that you actually see someone coming
and will get out of their way.  You will never get anywhere like that.

I haven't driven a car or had decent Tex Mex in two years.  Two years!
(I'm so ready for a trip home.)

Life is different and I am different.

I think I'm a little bit braver.  My comfort zone has grown much bigger.
I hope that I'm more open minded, accepting of things that are unfamiliar and different.

I'd like to think that I'm much stronger.  As great as this move has been, it's also been really hard.
I've spent a lot of time alone and I'm learning how to be more independent and self-reliant.

I've been exposed to some fascinating people and places.
Someday, I'll look back on my years (however many) in London with a deep fondness.
As well as pride and joy that I was able to make this place my home.

With my second Christmas in London looming
(yeah, I admit I'm struggling a bit with that) and my two year anniversary as a Londoner coming up,
I've been reflecting quite a bit on the new me.
I don't think I'm fully aware of exactly how I've changed.  But, I know that I have.
And for now, I call London home.  And mean it.

I have had such a great time hosting this series with Amy from Créatrice Mondial.

She is just amazing and I'm so glad that she invited me to join her in this project.
You must read her reflections on Paris.

And you!  Thank so much for joining in all of the fun.
I've loved reading about your London and Paris.

If you'd like to participate, the Cheers, Madame! Link Up is still open.
While you're there, check out some of the other terrific posts.

We also have one more Cheers, Madame! Twitter Chat happening today.

Hosted by Amy (@creatricemonde) and me (@SelenaThePlaces)

at 12 Noon EST/5pm GMT.

I hope to see you there!

We'd also love to have your feedback on this series.  What do you think? 

Cheers, Madame!

What parts of your new culture have you absorbed?
How has your new city gone from feeling foreign to feeling like home?
How has living in your new home changed you?

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On being an Expat

I must admit I've been feeling a bit down lately.   I'm sure being sick has a lot to do with it.

But, I also have to admit that there are a few other things swirling around in this brain of

mine that are contributing to the rut I'm in.

As bloggers, we're pretty comfortable presenting a positive face to our readers and friends.

But, you know as well as I do that there is a whole other side to life.

Sick days.  Bad hair days.  Lonely days.  Bra-less days.

 I'm certain you don't want to read a post about them.

(And you certainly don't want photographs!) 

But, today I'm going to bare a little bit of my expat soul to you.  

  Apparently, Expatria has three evil stepsisters.  They are called Fear, Guilt and Melancholy.  

I didn't realize this before, but now I'm very well acquainted with them.

And let me just be blunt.  They are major bitches. 

So, I'm just going to call them out and expose them for what they are

My hope is that it will not only benefit me to get it off my chest,

but that maybe you can relate and not feel so alone on your bad days.  

I'm afraid that when I go home, everything will have changed so much that some connections and comforts will be lost forever. 

I'm sad because I miss my family and friends so much every day.  Some days it's almost unbearable. 

I feel guilty because I moved so far away from my daughter.  Children are supposed to leave the nest, not parents. 

I'm afraid that when I go home, everyone will think that I've changed too much and they will feel like they don't know me.  Or like me.

I'm sad because I spend so much time alone now. 

I feel guilty because I don't work hard enough to keep the connections strong with people that  love but live far away from. 

I'm afraid people think I'm an obnoxious braggart when I talk about traveling and that they don't realize how thankful I am for this time in my life.

I feel sad that friends and family don't know how much I love them and that I think about them all the time. 

I feel guilty because I don't know if I ever want to live in the US again.

I'm afraid that I'm going to get a phone call that will stop my heart and I won't be able to be where I need to be fast enough.

I'm afraid that the price I will have to pay for becoming an expat will be much higher than I expected.

I'm afraid that in spite of a wonderful life and numerous opportunities, I will never become the woman that I've always wanted to be. 

See.  Aren't they awful?   Fear is definitely the ringleader.  (Such a bitch.)

But, I've decided to stop giving them so much leeway and control over my life.

I shall use their powers for good instead of evil. 

These feelings are all very real to me.  I feel guilt.  I'm afraid.  I'm sometimes sad.

But, I don't really want them to go away.  They help me to remember what is important in life.

I'm also grateful. Happy. Content.  And I'm so excited by what the future holds.

How about you?  Any evil stepsisters lurking about and whispering dark secrets in your ear?

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Expat Guest Post featuring my friend Jade

Today my guest post is from my Aussie friend Jade who blogs at An Invisible Crown.

I started reading her blog several months ago and followed her on Twitter.  It was obvious very quickly that she has a huge heart!  I can always depend on her for an encouraging word or a cyber hug.  When we moved to Blackheath, I was excited to find out that she lives just up the road, so we made a lunch date.  It felt like meeting a long lost friend.

Hello everyone! 
My name is Jade and I'm a seven year expat originally from Sydney, Australia but now calling London, England my home. I am currently taking a blog break for the summer, however you can normally find me over at An Invisible Crown. 

When Selena kindly asked me if I'd still be interested in posting whilst she's on her cruise (lucky duck!), I was excited to accept because if there's nothing else I like talking about, it's about my experiences living life as an Expat.
 
When I think about the person I was, living in Australia, I can see a huge change. I was only 24 when I left Sydney and I was six months newly wed. It was an exciting time and it's had it's ups and downs but it's an experience I thoroughly recommend to anyone looking for an adventure of a lifetime.
 
I've become more confident - I had a close knit group of friends in Australia & was pretty self conscious. Since I've moved to the UK, apart from distant family members, I knew no-one. I've now met loads of people through different ways and I have a new close knit group who I love dearly. Blogging has been an amazing outlet for this - I've met Selena and a few other bloggers in London who are fast becoming some of my favourite people. I'm no longer the shy girl who fobbed off situations I felt I couldn't deal with to my husband. I'm not scared to ring the Home Office to chase up my visa application or stop someone from pushing in when I'm waiting in the bus queue.
 
I've become more organised - Living life as an expat means you have to be organised, which wasn't a particularly strong point with me back in Australia. Things like visa applications, work permits, travel arrangements, housing & setting up a whole new life means you have to work on being organised at all times. If I stuffed up a visa application, I could have wasted £900 or even have been kicked out of the country, so it was important to me to work on being a much more organised person!
 
My mind has been opened - I love how I can fly for an hour and cross two countries. If I did that in Australia, I'd be in the same state! I also love the history of London & the UK, everywhere I go, I'm seeing buildings that are hundreds of years old and structures that are even older! I also love that I meet people from all over the world, living in this tiny city with amazing stories. I've also been lucky enough to travel all over the Northern Hemisphere and my eyes are truly open to the wonder of the world!
 
I'm still the down to earth Aussie girl I was when I was twenty four, but I've changed in so many amazing ways, I don't think I could ever say that I'm even close to being the same as I was before I became an expat.

I know that if I'm ever struggling with being an expat she will understand.

Be sure to leave her a comment!

Aren't I a lucky girl to have all of these great new friends?

Nothing can take away from my friends back home in the States.

I miss them so much and can't wait to get back for a visit.

But, these ladies have certainly been lifesavers for me.

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Expat Guest Post featuring my friend Gina

 My next guest post is from my friend Gina.  At my house she is referred to as my 'Soul Sister.'  She made the move to London about six months after me and we connected through my blog.  We instantly clicked and after a lunch date we became fast friends.  You've seen her picture around here a few times.   We connect on so many levels.  She also has an adult daughter that is living a wonderful life on another continent which is something really big that we share.  And sometimes when there just aren't words, she know exactly what I'm feeling.

She blogs at Sweet Serenity and inspires me regularly. 

Hello, I am Gina! 

I am thrilled that Selena has asked me to be here and blog a little about my expat experience and how it has changed me. 

She is a dear friend and I certainly would not have been able to navigate my expat journey without her experience and encouragement to guide me along. 

She has a wealth of knowledge about London and travelling {and gin & tonic} but most importantly she has a heart of gold. 

I blog over at "Sweet Serenity" where I talk about my move to London, my expat life, my love of yoga, and my travels {hoping for lots more of that in the future!}. My goal during the transition from one country to another was to maintain "sweet serenity" and not loose my mind {a lofty goal indeed!} while negotiating the move.  It has been quite a journey and I had hoped to navigate it as seamlessly as possible. I have been living just outside of central London in a lovely borough called Pinner for a year now with my husband, 15 year old son, and our sweet golden retriever Bella.  It has not been without it's up's and down's by any means but thanks to a little help from my friends {eternally grateful} I think I am achieving my goal.  

My expat life began when my husband received the opportunity of a lifetime to move our family to London.  I quickly set about finding out  and everything I could about the UK and obsessing over what it would be like to live there. 

After exhausting countless hours on websites full of data and information I was hungering for a more "human" experience which is what led me to expat blogs.  There is truly nothing better than delving into the experience that someone else is having on a journey that you are going to embark on.  It gives you the inside scoop on what it is like to live somewhere else.  As the blogger is exploring you are right along with them going to new places and seeing new things.  You follow the hard times they are going through and the break through moments that are occurring their life.  I would get up in the morning prior to going to my busy day at work and grab a coffee and get my fill of expat blogs.  

After our move here I found myself going through many of the same highs and lows that I had read about countless times.  There was the enchantment at being in such a wonderful place. London is truly amazing and I experienced countless times of exclaiming "I love London!".  I am continuously thrilled with the fact that I am here to see and do all that it has to offer.  There are endless things to do here and so much to see.  I wholeheartedly agree with Samuel Johnson in this quote:

"Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford."

— Samuel Johnson

I also came to know the homesickness and ache for loved ones that live so far away.  Our daughter stayed in Canada to complete here studies at University and although I had read over and over how hard it is to live so far away from family nothing can prepare you for how much you miss being able to see loved ones.  

I experienced what I call the "hidden" culture shock that you don't expect when moving to a country that speaks the same language as you and a country which has many of the same traditions that you hold dear.  It is a culture shock none-the-less and takes patience and perseverance to find your footing and begin to feel a "new normal".  Once you get past it, it is exhilarating to know that you have grown and that you are learning and expanding yourself daily.  The knowledge you gain is priceless. 

My expat life has made me a much more tolerant person.  A calmer person.  A more compassionate person. As one wise expat friend once said to me "this experience has made "me" more "me" than I felt I was before".  She worried that I would not understand but I completely understood and what was more I agree wholeheartedly.  

The bravery that it takes to make such a leap of faith and jump into a new life has expanded me and made me grow in so many ways.  

I now believe that anything is possible.

Truly, anything can happen....

The next chapter of this Canadian girl's Expat Life will include lots of travel, travel, travel. I have caught the travel bug after a visit to Turkey last April and I want to see all the wonderful places that I read about on amazing blogs like Selena's. 

I hope that she is having an amazing time on her cruise and look forward to reading all about it and seeing more of her spectacular photos from the places she visits.  

Cheers!

Gina  

Thank you so much, Gina,  for guest posting and also for just being awesome!

Leave her some comment love, my friends!!

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