I Spy Friday and a Hug For You

It's been four months today that we left the US for our new home in the UK.  Some days it feels like just yesterday and, at other times, it seems ages ago.  

I won't be doing another Well-Expat Checkup until we hit six months.  I decided when we left that I'd give it at least six months for life to start feeling normal again.  And I'm still confident that things will be getting settled by then.  

But, for now the boxes are still taped up, the suitcases are still in use, the CPA is still pending, the house in Texas is still on the market and the magic phone call has not yet come.  

As those who know me will attest, I don't do "patient" very gracefully (exhibit A).  And I've certainly had my share of pouting and foot tapping stomping.  

But then I remind myself that waiting is an integral part of life.  And I'm sure you know exactly how it feels 

Waiting for that snaggly tooth to come out.

Waiting for Christmas.  

Waiting for daddy to come home from deployment.

Waiting for the college acceptance letter.

Waiting for him to pop the question.  

Waiting for your daughter's plane to land.  

Waiting for the plastic white stick to show two little blue lines. 

Waiting for your late teenager to get home safely. 

Waiting for "the one."

Waiting to see if you are going to keep your job. 

Waiting to see if you got the house.  

Waiting for the baby to come. 

Waiting for that promotion.

Waiting for the diagnosis.  

Waiting for a cure. 

Quote: Khaled Hosseini, A Thousand Splendid Suns   Photo: Mine.

 So, here is a hug for you if you are waiting.

I hope that you get the answer that you are hoping for and I hope that it comes soon. 

And in the mean time, I wish you lots of love and support.  

xoxo

Selena

P.S.  It's been a quiet week for I Spy.

We did take a drive up the coast and 

spotted three crazy dudes kite surfing in the English Channel.

The water must be frigid!  But, it looked like so much fun.

I wanted to join them.   I couldn't believe how high they could fly!

Seeing wonderful things like this does make the waiting easier. 

 

Get out your mini-violins.

Growing up as a military brat meant that we moved every few years.  I was in the comfort of my family for the early moves, so life just went on.  But, the move to Texas the summer after 8^th grade was different.  My junior high friends had become as important to me as my core family.  And the move was so much more difficult. 

We were all settled into our new house and waiting for the new school year to start.  I’m sure it was magnified by the drama-hormones of a 13 year old, but I still vividly remember the feelings of isolation that I experienced that summer.    

I spent a lot of time alone in my room listening to records (I’m aging myself), gazing out the window and sighing dramatically, I'm sure.  My brother (aka my bubba) was younger (and cooler) and quickly made friends on the playground.  But, for an awkward, moody teenager like me, it wasn’t that easy.  

I’ve been thinking about that summer a lot since we’ve moved to England.  Suddenly, I am that young girl again and walking through a bustling neighborhood that feels completely deserted to me.   

It’s difficult to explain the feelings.  It’s not loneliness, but more a feeling of isolation.  

I have my husband who I absolutely adore by my side.  I have his parent’s love and support.  And I have the love of family and friends from afar that keep the feelings of loneliness away.  I have FaceTime, phone calls, emails and texts from home and the promise of visits coming up.   But, something major is certainly missing from my life right now.    

It’s about connections, isn’t it?  

I think some of the isolation comes from the lack of shared experiences.  When I speak to most of my family and friends at home, I can plug into what is happening in their world.   I am familiar with the context of their lives.  I know where they live, work and shop, and I know the people they love.  So, as they share the events of their daily lives, I get it.  

But, it feels weird to speak of what is happening in my life because the context is missing.  They don’t know what my surroundings look like or who the new people are in my life.  So, it isn’t as easy for them to plug in to my daily experiences.  My life has become foreign (pun intended).  

I often find myself seeing or doing something that I desperately wish I was sharing with someone I love back home.  It’s a regular thing to think “Sugar Bear would love this” or “We have to bring bubba n’ em here when they visit.”  (My inner voice has a southern twang, ya’ll.)

I miss being with my family who know me, know the life that made me and love me, even with my many quirks and flaws.  (I’m sure there is an official list somewhere.)   I miss the relaxed comfort of time with an old friend over a glass (or six) of wine.   I miss the shared inside jokes and the comfortable silences.  I miss the hugs and touches that I often took for granted.    

 I knew it was was coming and, as expected, 

I’m finding the isolation the hardest part of relocating.  

I am displaced.   

And I am spending way more time inside my own head than is healthy.

Yes, I chose to make this move.   And, yes, I am on an exciting adventure.  Please don't get me wrong, I am very happy and have no regrets.  This was the right move for us.  And I do feel silly when I whine about it and everyone rolls their eyes and grabs their mini-violins to play a sad song on my behalf.   

But, it is still an emotional journey and the feelings are real.    

Some days I experience profound sadness and  some days are really difficult.   

And there may or may not be days when my behavior would put any hormone addled teenager to shame.  

That lonely summer before 9^th grade quickly turned into one of the best times of my life as I entered high school.  The friendships that I soon made are still dear to me all these years later.   And I know that new friendships are in store for me here in England.   

But, no matter what new connections I make, 

I will always be thinking about the one’s that I am missing today.

Can't you hear the violins?

xoxo

Selena 

PS.   The picture was taken with my iPhone and tweaked via Instagram and iGoogle.

The Honeymoon Phase

I’ve read that there are four stages to emigration. 

• Honeymoon Phase – “Everything is new and interesting."

• Rejection Phase – “Everything is new and sucks.

• Regression Phase –  “Everything in the US was wonderful & much better than this.”

• Recovery Phase -  “Everything is going to be okay.”

I’ve been here 18 days now:  two are a blur due to jet lag, four were spent in Paris and three were spent in bed hopped up on “Night Nurse” (UK version of Nyquil).  So, it’s really only been nine days and I’m certainly still in the Honeymoon Phase.  I’m completely overstimulated and yet under-stimulated at the same time, if that makes any sense.  There is a lot to learn and experience but no job or home to tend.  I’m afraid I can’t put a coherent blog together, so I’m just going to share some random observations. 

• The English countryside is one big movie set.  It is absolutely gorgeous and magical!  Everywhere you look there is a sight to take your breath away.  Rolling, green hills dotted with sheep, the spire  of a cathedral in the distance, a farmhouse that looks like it grew out of the land and winding, country lanes canopied by trees… it is just beautiful!  If I squint my eyes so that I can’t see the modern signs, then I am completely transported.  I expect to see Willoughby racing across the field on a black steed and the Misses Dashwood walking arm in arm along the stream while Margaret climbs a tree.  I have fallen completely in love.  

• Norman, Gothic, Tudor, Stuart, Georgian, Victorian, Elizabethan.  I don’t know anything about British Architecture, but I’m going to have to remedy that.  The buildings here are so interesting.  And not just the breathtaking churches and cathedrals, but the homes.  There are several house-hunting shows on TV and all of the homes that they visit are old.  And I don’t mean seventies-green-shag-carpet-outdated old, but house-with-a-name-and-full-of-character old.  I can’t imagine the upkeep on a medieval house, but someday I must have a house with a name. 

• Philly Cheesesteak, Beef Kebab, Sausage & Crispy Bacon, Cheeseburger, Roast Turkey, Grilled Shrimp.  No, that isn’t a list of my last six meals.  That is a list of just some of the Pringles flavors found in the UK.  Yep… that’s right.  Potato Chips (or as they are called here, “Crisps”) of the meat flavored variety.  Ack. 

• We speak the same language, right?  US and UK.   But, I’m surprised with just how much I’m struggling with communication.  I am used to Matt’s accent and have no trouble understanding what he says, although sometimes I don’t understand the context.  But, in dealing with the public, I often find myself asking them to repeat what was said or turning to Matt for a translation.   There are so many distinctive accents and dialects even among those born and raised in the UK, but when you add the foreign accents of other expats, it has been a challenge.  

• I believe that you could drive from one end of Great Britain to the other without actually stopping.  There are relatively no stop signs here.  Instead, you will find roundabouts.  The roads are winding and often a single-lane wide.  There is no north/south grid layout to be found.  In the U.S., when asked "how far away is X?", the answer will be answered in time… "a 20 minute drive."  This means that you will be traveling as close to as-the-crow-flies as possible, averaging 60 mph for about 20 miles. Here, the answer will be in miles.  Folkestone is 20 miles from Canterbury; however, it could take anywhere from 45 to 60 minutes to actually get there… and that is still without actually coming to a complete stop along the way. 

• I can’t end the blog without touching on THE ENGLISH WEATHER.  All caps not because I’m shouting, but to give proper emphasis to something that is both revered and reviled in England.  So far, I have found the weather to be lovely (my new favorite word, I feel like I fit in a little when I use it.)  A majority of the days have been sunny and clear with temperatures in the 40’s or 50’s.  We have had one day that was overcast and foggy.  There have been a few occasions of misting rain, but it has been truly lovely.   I still don’t see what all of the fuss is about. 

So, those are some random observations to date.  Currently, we are in limbo waiting for that magical phone call.  Until then, we are settled in nicely with Matt’s parents in Folkestone.  They are tolerating the American in their midst and have been wonderful hosts. I’m counting down to Jessica’s visit and FaceTime has become more valuable than gold.  I have had some waves of homesickness so profound that they take my breath away, but all in all, things are good.  And I'm hoping to avoid phases 2 and 3.   

xoxo
Selena

Mind the Gap

When I met this action-adventure accountant, I knew that a move was likely in our future and here we are.  We are on an overnight Continental flight out of Houston to Heathrow.  We are at cruising altitude and the Captain has turned off the seat belt sign.  I’m in mid-step from my life in the US to my life in the UK. 

This has been a challenging experience.  We packed our life into boxes and suitcases. For the first time I can remember,  I have an empty key ring…  no job, no car, no home.  The only key that I have is the key necklace that Matt gave me for Christmas last year. 

Saying goodbye to family and friends was the hardest part of the move.  I’m not ready to blog about that other than to say as the day of departure came closer the lump in my throat became more and more difficult to breathe around. 

But, we are on our way.  We are stepping into a new life in England where we will unpack everything and rebuild... find jobs, a "flat" and get Tube passes.  I will acquire a whole new set of keys as we settle in on this side of the gap. 

Wish me luck, as I'm feeling a bit untethered at the moment.  

(Written January 4, 2012)

xoxo
Selena

How do you eat an elephant?

I’ve moved many times, so I’m not too overwhelmed by a relocation.  I see it as a chance to clean out the closets.  But this move is a whole different animal.  Once we made “the decision” and set the ball rolling, every day has involved a new item to complete and mark off of the mental checklist.   And each of those items involves 20+ steps. 

It started with giving notice at work and applying for my Spouse’s Visa.  It has progressed to sorting everything down to the last paperclip into piles for packing, shipping, tossing, giving or storing.  Selling the vehicles, listing the house, booking tickets, movers and storage units... the list seems endless.  And all of this while testing for the CPA exam and celebrating the holidays.  When I step back it does look overwhelming but I’m amazed how everything has come together (with a few glitches).   

I think Matt and I work pretty well together.  However, his packing method and mine are very different.  He packs a box like a Tetris game, assigns said box a number with a black sharpie and makes a list of the items included, which is then copied and filed.   I just toss the stuff in, tape it closed before it explodes and label it “stuff” with a tube of lipstick.  The solution to this is that we just don’t pack together… problem solved. 

Moving has been cited as one of the most stressful events in a marriage.  But, I’ve never felt closer to Matt.  Each day we accomplish the tasks for the day and make plans for the next phase.  And here we are, less than 10 days to go.  Everything is on schedule and we feel pretty good about what still needs to be done. 

When I first started saying aloud “I’m moving to London”, it felt so weird.  I said it with a perplexed look on my face and my inflection would go up at the end as if it was a question.   But, now the fact has sunk in… I’m moving to London.  And with that has also come the realization of what that means.   I’m extremely excited about what the future holds in England.  But every day includes another goodbye, some simple and some that are physically painful.  

Focusing on the logistics of the move and the things that I can control is often the solution to those moments of panic when I realize what I will be leaving behind.   There just aren’t any words to explain how that feels. 

So, we are eating the elephant the only way that you can… one bite at a time.   How does it taste?  Bittersweet.  

xoxo
Selena